EXTREME EXCITEMENT

here’s a question. would you like to spend six quid doing battle with south west trains? would you like to do that in order to leave a crisp tenner’s worth of your own stuff lying around for anyone to find?

i went to the barber’s today. i asked for a hell’s angel look. i wanted what little hair remains on my head to be cropped really short and for my beard to be made less ‘brian blessed’ and more ‘brian evil’. and that’s what i got. while i was in the barber’s, glynn from the office shop came in. i asked him if his laminator was working because i wanted to have laminated an important sheet of info to go in my geocache. he said it was working but that he wouldn’t be there until monday and he doubted whether anyone in the shop knew where the laminator was, let alone how to work it.

how stupid of me. i had forgotten to bring the two copies of the info sheet that i had wanted laminated, so i went to the library and logged-on up there and got another copy. i met up with trouty and then we went to the office shop and asked for it to be laminated. ‘i’m very sorry’, said dave from the office shop, ‘if only you had been here a half hour earlier, the other bloke took the laminator home because he had some laminating to do at home. i can do it for you for monday’.

have you ever heard a more shite excuse for ‘i’m thick and i don’t know how it works’?

anyway, i was still so excited about tomorrow that i went to the post office and bought bits and bobs and then we went to the pub. i had 3 pints of cider and laughed to myself when i saw scoopy from the kebab shop. he was living up to his muslim doo-dahs by sitting on a stool in front of the fruit machine and drinking beer.

i went to the offy and bought some frosty jack and strongbow and fags and then we went home.

on the towpath there was a council van parked with two skivers sitting in the cab. there were my two lovely swans there too and so i fed them where these blokes could see me doing it. i could imagine the conversation in the cab: ‘god, look at that moron, etc… those things can bust your nose with one wing etc…’

when i feed swans i usually pull up grass for them to eat (they really like that) but today i had some left over duck-feeding bread. they take food from my hand and it makes me feel so great when they do. you can feel the beak on your hand when they take whatever it is, but if you keep your bottle you won’t get hurt. they hiss and flap and sometimes do a little noise but then i remind them that they are supposed to be mute and tell them to shut up. i’ve never had a problem with swans, ever, but they look really hard and a lot of people are scared of them. that cob is a really big bastard when he’s out on the bank; i hope the council skivers were impressed by my jack hargreaves style country ways.

i’ve finished my geocache now and i am SO looking forward to going back to haslemere to stash it tomorrow. i will have to log it with geocache.com and see if it gets approved but i will post the co-ords here as soon as i can.

i’m so excited i could squeak

swig stats: swigtastic, and now i’m on the white cider
fag stats: 10 thus far
grub stats: fishcake with added cheese and bacon, aunt bessie roast spuds and yorkshire pud, plus my own special lemon gravy what i invented tonight and was very nice.

sweet dreams, dear readers.