HEADLINE: SNOOZING BLOGGER MISSES BOAT

eh? what? *screws up eyes, blinks, and makes ‘plap plap’ sound with gob*

the soporific effect of tesco pie (kate and sidney for me, chicken and mushroom for trouty) with mashed up swede and carrot was proven conclusively here at maison thirst this very evening.

mummy’s little soldier (myself) had only had a mildly busy day today. i looked out of the window after a few restorative and nourishing swigs; what a lovely sunny day it was. time to go on the daily run* to tesco in order to ensure that my account at the national bank of swig remained firmly in the black. so i put all my clothes on (well, not ALL my clothes, just a sufficient amount) and picked up my swig-bag. i opened the front door to my slum dwelling here at maison thirst.

what a complete and utter HID BAST! it was, of course, raining. if any local farmers want their crops refreshing with an april shower or two then all they have to do is hand me a crisp fiver and i will bother to get dressed and open my front door. precipitation is guaranteed.

as an aside, it has just said on the radio that people are more likely to die if they live in smoke-filled homes or something. but aren’t we all likely to die? is anyone in the whole world UNLIKELY to die? surely the government would want everyone to smoke so that they get loads of revenue and no one lives long enough to pick up more than a year’s pension. they can’t possibly want everyone to hang around being a nuisance until they are ninety three and having their arse wiped with a J-cloth by a begrudging care assistant in an old git’s home at great expense, can they?

anyway, where was i? oh yes, i went to tesco and got swig but there wasn’t anything much on the cheap shelf. except for some chicken but i’ve already got some in the freezer. so i went back home and put the new swig in the fridge and got some cold swig out of the fridge and went up the towpath to put a travel bug (called baboo bug) into one of my caches (called weyside wander 2).

the cache had been found by someone who had not logged their find. they had also not hidden it again very well so i got all that sorted out and popped the TB in and had a bit of a swig behind a tree and all that kind of thing. and then i hand-fed a swan on coxes mill pond which makes me feel good. the swan gets free bread and i get my thumb pecked but it makes me feel cool, particularly when a passer-by is watching and obviously thinking ‘hey, that cool bloke looks really cool with his swan communication skills’ (the swan is thinking ‘hey, that fat, bald bloke is waving stale bread at me, i’ll go and get some and not be too fussy about his thumb, neither’).

i helped a plastic (shudder) boat through coxes lock which has a really bastardly stiff paddle at the downstream end. so that was good. and i did a bit more unasked for lock duties at new haw lock as well. i do realise that boating types may not particularly want a fat, balding bloke who smells a bit of swig poking his nose into their riparian activities but it makes ME feel good. and that’s the most important thing.

to cut a long and boring story short, i then went home and swigged and cooked and conked-out. when i woke up it was late and everyone had gone to bed and there was no one to play with and really a bit too late for blogging. but blog i did and now it’s 3 in the morning and i have some things that i must do tomorrow: i have to sort out the mad water bill, post toffees to simong, arrange something with the doctor that i should have done a week ago but didn’t and do something about my brother’s birthday which is on tuesday but i only remembered today.

depression stats: lifting
swig stats: medium
snooze stats: extensive
talking a load of old bollocks stats: even more extensive

dear reader, you seem to be asleep right now. i hope you have a grand snooze with no scary dreams and that monday and the workaday week is kind to you. take care.

*’run’ = trudge in this instance