Thank you for your supportive / other forms of reply. I feel refreshed.

Clearly ‘The Midlands’ is a hot-bed of lust. Cor. So one answer is that Mrs W II has a very clear idea of where I’m going - she’s been there and eyeballed it. And whilst she doesn’t trust me to within an inch of my life she trusts the nice, kind, warm, shapely, soft-voiced - oh, go on - lady in whose house I shall be staying. The bad news is that the lady’s a serious player in the Social Services business and has the right to clap me in irons (a.k.a. ’sectioning’) if I step out of line. But she cooks a mean breakfast so it ain’t all bad.

Which, naturally, brings me to Sarah. Your bum-wriggle was irresisitible. I could buy you a (cheap) lunch on Saturday 18th. June if you like? Go on, risk it.

Highly busy day having to clear up for visit of WEB Design person and then have heavy-duty meeting. Herself’s teeny-tiny gardens will be featured some time soon.

Other than that have been doing admin for trip to Wales, Preston, Kenilworth, St.Albans and anywhere handy on the way. Found two decent hotels with good food and working on the last one. I’ll be done up by the time I get back!

That’s about it for now so I’ll hop off. Special thoughts for Julianna - hang in there treasure - ‘Just for today I will try to live through this day and not tackle all my life problems at once’. Works for me. Cheers all and goodnight - Dad

Yeah well it’s kind of OK and I’m drinking kind of decent wine from California and the weather is kind of awful.

Been slashed and battered by e amil and post today. The Headmaster of my old school says I lack ‘grace and charity’ and a fellow therapist thinks I’m horrid. I really don’t need this.

On the up-side, have planned ‘big trip’ around running workshop in Preston for therapists. Don’t ask, right? Who the fxxx goes to Preston anyway? I know, I know. Found really decent hotel in Wales with good restaurant. Spoke with owner, did deal on price. Will see old chum. Ditto kind of thing in Preston. Spoke with old friend (DON’T poke your nose in) in Midlands for laid-back, warm, smooth, sexy (who said that!!!) weekend and set up two days in Hertfordshire with more old friends. It don’t come better than that, I tell you. Herself egging me on - ‘take more days’ so she can have a week of peace.

Oh, I’m pxxxxd off. Miserable.

Waiting for chimney sweep clump of soot fell down chimney onto Chinese rug. Yellow Pages for rug cleaning. Spoke to pilloch. He wants £50 TO LOOK AT IT. Explained, in a civilised way, that I couldn’t see that as reasonable. Got earful. It’s a funny world.

Shit happens. If you let it take over - the bastards have won. So draw a deep breath and face them down. You know what? They can’t cope with that. Heh, heh. Love, Dad

OK O ‘mally - (must be Irish - poor xxx) here I go in all honesty.

I’m part Scottish. I’m actually part MacGregor. (Watch out for your head - we’re a bit unbalanced in the violence department). Current tartan is Grant (because I also have a Grant link) and new tartan will be ‘old’ hunting MacGregor. Why old? (this is not for you - it’s for the non-understanding squalid masses) Because the colours were made from vegetable dyes and are much softer than ‘modern’ tartans. Why ‘hunting’? Because I don’t want a ‘dress tartan’ which tends to be bright red and all that stuff. Prefer low key. Gentle. Quiet.

Well you can wear a Celtic kilt which is probably one colour. Have you got one? Do you wear it? There are some great single colour kilts. Like homos we should ‘out’ ourselves. I’m proud of my history and I’m sure you must be too. Let’s show them!!! Check the Kilt Store on the web. They do Celtic stuff too. Buy now - join me!

As for rozzers - when you can find one I’m sure they’re OK. We have a ‘community rozzer’ and he’s a really nice bloke. Poor xxx. He can’t be everywhere.

Had a good idea about the sock knife. Stick it to sheath with (soft) plastic glue. It is obviously not intended for use - but I can rip it out if some stupid bxxxxr takes me on. Better answers on an old £10 note, please.

And thanks for your post. I liked it. Dad

It’s lovely. Warm sunshine and Norah Jones a-’playin’ on de’ computin’ t’ing dere. Yo!

First - thanks Lordh for a kind comment. Together we can rock-and -roll.

The chimney cleaning man has done the job. He’s such a nice bloke. I charge him £5.50 for the tea and he charges me (used notes in the hand) for the chimney. I call that a win / win. Now all I have to do is clean up the place ready for next Winter.

WARNING - WARNING This afternoon I had the FIFTH cold call from One-tel trying to sell me their fone stuff. Now I’m not one to get angry - well not for the first minute, anyway, and this is the FIFTH dumbhead call I’ve had in 4 weeks. When I get a shade stoppy - wait - wait - he hangs up on me. Oh dear. I’m too old for that. I get de-red-haze-in-de-eyes. Go to the internet, fone, get lady in India (?) She doen’t know name / fone of Chairman of her company. Work away at it. AT LAST!!! One-tel owned by Centrica which owns wait-for-it British Gas. BG. Be Ghastly to people. Speak to personal assistant to MD of One-tel. Long story. Short version - send letter of apology and flowers for herself. Bets on a used bank note if I get either. BUT I’ve got his direct fone no. So he’s got two choices, really. I can be HORRID on the fone. If troubled by One-tel please ask. Heh, heh.

Oh, lovely fone + e mail from Kilt Store (in Scotland, OK?). LARGE parcel should be delivered tomorrow with SCOTTISH THINGS in. Oh my. Oh gosh. Can’t wait. Will swish down Broadstone Broadway (that’s what it’s called, alright?) with splendiferous kilt + smart stuff. Swish, swish. Eat your hearts out, girls. You think you can swing your hips? You ain’t never seen swinging feller in swinging kilt. Interesting problem. I will wear my skean dhu (that’s roughly it) meaning short knife with lovely stuff on handle in my sock as required. BUT it’s against the law. BUT it’s a cultural aspect of my cultural dress. Nick me and I’ll have you. Should be fun. Actually it won’t be. We have no police-persons in Broadstone - BUT occasionally a car with funny stripes on and a coloured roof-rack drives through. Traffic and wandering pedestrians require peering forward thro’ windscdreen to avoid hitting people + losing job + pension so unlikely to see skulking - NO - swinging - NO - person with swinging kilt strolling along. Watch this space.

Hey, world, a sunny evening combined with Chilean Merlot = current happiness. Think one. Tomorrow, phone someone you haven’t spoken to for ages. ‘Hey, how are you keepin’, friend?’ Life takes so much time and care away from us, so offer some to just one person tomorrow. Who knows? You might help them in a bad time. We need friends who call. Reach out - tomorrow - OK? DO IT! Sleep well, friends - Dad

The sun’s shining (it’s supposed to in Dorset so that we can look down on you others), life hasn’t bitten me (yet) today (but see below) and I’m playing Ruby Turner and that kind of stuff. Yeah - really throbs your internals, shakes your round-bits, dunnit!!

God has one Hell of a sense of humour. Having cleaned the fireplace to death and booked the chimney sweep for today (due at 5 o’clock) I felt happy. Serene. Superior, even. I can do this stuff. So yesterday a whole bundle-full of soot fell down, splat. OK in the tiled hearth BUT you-can’t-clean-this-up-you-prat dollop of soot splashed out onto the elegant, charming, Chinese rug in e + c pastel shades resting, innocently, in front of the f-f-f-ing fireplace. Well, that’s me stuffed with Herself. Take out second mortgage & buy new rug? She’s not silly, she’d notice. Well, at least I’ll always recognise OUR Chinese rug - the one with the dense black s-m-e-a-r swiped across it. Oh, you mean THAT smear? Give up, Dad.

End of term for Pin-Point Coaching lifts weight from heart. It worked out fine and they liked it. Aahh. Head getting seriously tense about Workshop in Preston for Solution Focussed Brief Therapists (well, you couldn’t make that up, could you). Think about offering therapy to therapists. Aargh. Mails flashing to & fro. ‘How many?’ I ask. ‘Some, depending.’ Oh goody, goody. Don’t ask.

So what else? Well fone call this am from (ex) wife of Client discussing ‘Counselling’ wif questions like - ‘If they say [that] what should I say?’ Answer, patiently. Invited (imagine throaty, low, vibrant voice) to ‘lunch’. Ponder which method Herself will use to remove my head / heart / (spec)tacles. But the lady needs expert help and I’m a SFBTherapist. Prefer ‘pist’. Nothing’s simple.

BUT I have a lovely focus in my life - Julianna. Bless you for the mail. Look beyond pain and distress. Dump the choice on me. Plan A or Plan B treasure. If you truly want to take another punt at it - YOU WILL FIND THE STRENGTH. ‘Cause you have the strength, right! If not, then not. Either way look beyond the ‘now’ to the ‘tomorrow’. If it works - SUPER. If it doesn’t work - hey there’s a whole electric world out there. Truly. Think options. Think choices. If it ain’t meant - then it ain’t meant. You have a whole lot of living to do - so re-shape your model. Your dearest wish is NOT the only wish. There IS a Plan B. The body is a funny thing. Very complex. MAYBE if you chilled on the subject it would work better. And if not, Plan B. Hey, honey-child, we’re all with you, you know. Report back.

Herself is back - I’ve got things to do. Today’s thought? There’s always a Plan B and always a tomorow. If you don’t like the plan asyou see it - draw another plan. Think out of the box. Hey, love to all - Dad

Weather fair, no music. Not in the mood.

Well I’m a vision of loveliness today in light chinos, cream shirt, silk tie, linen jacket. Been doin’ de Pin-Point Coachin’ all mornin’. Well it’s work, innit.

As you all know I’m (amongst other things) a Solution Focused Brief Therapist. Why couldn’t they call it a ‘Wodger’? So I’m on a world-wide e mail link of Wodgers. Asked why they do it and have been blown away by the replies from all around the place. Finland; Australia - cor. Phew! Will add their answers to my current research project.

But even more messages are sidelined by my Security System as ‘Spam’. I have a philosphical problem with that. Since I never respond to this stuff, why the xxxx do they keep sending it to me?

PLEASE will someone give me the name and address of just one of these perverts because I would like to eyeball him (surely, not her) and ask the stupid bxxxxr where his mind is at and why he chooses to annoy me? Further verbal violence may follow.

But what kind of people do they think I am? They think Iwould buy a simulated watch with no works. They think I would buy shares. They think I would gladly share all my bank details with them.

Above all, they think only male persons have computers. They also imagine that we are deeply into drugs. So ‘Farmacy’ is a word and Pxxxs’ is another one. ‘Extension’ (sounds xtremely painful to me) is a word. ‘Performance’ as in push-in - withdraw- repeat-n-times is a key issue.

Now I want to make the case for equal gender treatment here. Why is there no reference to maidenly activities / abilities? That just ain’t fair. Treat the girls jus’ like us boys, why don’t you? I can put up with the filth but not the discrimination. That really makes me CROSS!

Well, I’ve been asked to run a ‘Workshop’ at the National Conference of Wodgers. Isn’t that nice. Now the problem is which Hotel to stay in and how to avoid the other Wodgers. Why isn’t life simple?

Hey there Julianna - talk to me please. And for all of us, just take 5. A small moment on your life today to think about kindness to others and how lucky you are. Because we are. Have a good one - Dad

After some lovely days it’s not too good today. Am hunched over keyboard and playing Jools Holland.

So much has happened and so much time passed (awfully sorry about that when so many people were so nice to me) that I’ve got much to talk about.

Well after my last post (10 days ago - aargh!) what with one thing and another I had lots of written work to do, was helping Herself with teeny-tiny thingies (I WISH I could post foto’s to show you. Frequently described as ‘awesome’ by US customers) and brewing up for ‘the wedding’.

Collected flower arrangement for back window of car - cost equivalent of Zambia’s National Debt but was exquisite and colours just right. Subsequently taken from car and put in front of Happy Couple on Top Table - looked spiffing.

Was too afraid to try on suit for fear of cost of new one so v. relieved when I discovered suit still OK. Phew. Feel sorry for nervous tension of women faced with wedding. Wot to wear? Endless permutations and ignorance of style-choice of other women guests. It would freak me out. For me - suit (y) polished black shoes (y) black socks (y) white shirt (y) cuff links (y) underpinnings (y) (no fear of vpl - imagine female private chat with close friend - also female, what do men kno’ about this apart from me as past owner of ladies knicker shops? ‘Does my knicker elastic suit me around here, across here, along there - or [pause] no elastic? [shock, horror]) Ah, choice at last! Wedding tie (silk, blue / yellow) and matching silk pocket h/chief. Done.

Set off to collect Gold RR car (see previous post - keep up there) to be told ‘Sold that but thought you’d prefer this (dark blue Bentley Brooklands. Lust on a stick) Drained BP storage tanks to fill car and came home. Lovely chat with people who thought I’d changed SAAB for Bentley. Neighbour impressed, postman unimpressed.

Cruise majestically to venue. 1st. person I meet delightful 1st. wife person. We were to become ‘an item’ for the day. It was really good. Put ribbons & etc. on car - do job - enjoy all. Reg. Office / Church / Feast. Aaahh. Reduced to tears a number of times. Ah well.

Think I’ll leave it there. Many more happened but it’s going on too far.

Look back with sweetness and forward in hope. Bin the pain. Dad

Been busy today but it’s time I reported in. Herself is watching recorded ER and I’m playing late night jazz. Hope you all had a good holiday weekend. We did - lots of teeny-tiny gardens to make.

Firstly thanks again to all those who helped over geo-thingy stuff. I WILL be getting back to you. Taking initial action I truly have bought a kilt for the purpose and look forward to wearing one again. Should be here Friday. Look on local faces should be worth it! Asked local off-licence lady - v.nice person - if I should wear it into the Village. She said if I did she’d bribe me to stand outside like a tobacco store Indian (if you don’t understand that reference, please ask) to act as crowd-puller and put up her commission.

World can be a nice place but I’m going to share a secret. NO-ONE must know till after Saturday. Middle son getting second-time married to v. nice person. I was tasked with providing wedding car. I have a history of this and it’s great fun.

I LOVE cars - well anything with 4 plus wheels really. Well until I bought the Harley. By God that was fun. Anyway, I started driving by driving trucks for my Dad’s business so anything that can’t take a few tons of freight is pretty quiet stuff for me. I’ve told you all about driving before I was old enough to have a licence and how I finally got one - if you missed that let me know and I’ll tell the story again. Anyway, my first car was a 1930-something Triumph Gloria. Magic! I loved that car. In the fifties there was a petrol called National Benzole which was ’sporty’ and it was the only stuff I’d use in it. I paid 1/6d a gallon (one shilling and sixpence in real money = 7.5 pence today which I reckon should be the right price. To save you looking it up that is 1.7 pence / litre. No, really.). Then two Morris Minors, one old Wolesley, three Hillmans (super cars), an Austin Cambridge, an MG Magnette, two ‘clamshell’ Rovers, one Triumph 2000, about four Mercedes before they were as common as muck. When I drove my first one I even had a Police Traffic Car pull in when I was parked to ask if they could look it over. In those days when I put my Merc. on a Company parking lot people peered out of windows to see who it was.

So then I needed to change my car again but I didn’t like the new Mercs. I was having lunch with my Bank Manager (they used to do that then) and idly tossed the question into the (and another bottle, please) conversation and he said ‘Why not buy a Rolls?’ I fell about. He said ‘Think about it. A second-hand Rolls is extremely good value for money and will meet your need to have a status car to promote your business’. Well, there’s no point in HAVING a Bank Manager if you don’t humour him. Or her. Whatever. So I went down to the RR Dealer, pushed open the s-m-o-o-t-h door and met the guy in the suit with the fresh rose-bud in his buttonhole. Ah. ‘Don’t get your hopes up’ I said after which we talked cars. Three months later I returned and he said ‘Good morning Mr. X - I knew you’d be back’. Whew. Then I drove a RR and he said nothing for 20 minutes. ‘You’re not very happy with this, are you?’ He was right - it was a superb car but I was uncomfortable. ‘You should drive a Bentley, not a RR’. He was right. I bought one that day. Time and Bentleys passed. The owner retired and closed the Dealership, the Service Manager with whom I had established a great relationship set up and I bought my Bentleys from him. He’s super. My wife (the accounting person) and I helped him and his wife over their initial busines problems. So we’re pals. Where was I?

Well, I sold my last Bentley on my 65th.birthday. So I went to see Steve and said ‘Son / Wedding / Car - can you help?’ ‘See me Tuesday before’. So I did, this morning. Nice chat then we look out over a park of about 15 Bentleys and RR’s. ‘Which one would you like, Joe?’ says Steve. ‘Um. Up to you’ ‘Well it’s a weddin’ innit? They like a Rolls at a wedding. Would you mind driving one?’ ‘No’ ‘Let’s find one a nice colour’ Which is how it is that I collect a GORGEOUS Gold Rolls to drive for my son’s wedding. BUT NO-ONE KNOWS THAT - it’s a secret surprise. Then I had to buy the special spray of flowers to put in the back window. The price I paid, everyone who sells flowers must have a field full of RR’s.

You see, we all need good friends. Which means we need to be good friends to others. Managers in Off-licences, people who are ‘only’ (I LOATHE that word) service people, your next door neighbour. Make with the friendship and when you need it, you get the ball back.

When I had my Bentleys, every now and again people would come and ask if I would kindly drive my Bentley for the Bride. Oh how I loved doing that. My only restriction was that I wouldn’t wear a ’shuvver’s cap’. But the fun I had driving Brides to Church and the happy couple to the do. And they were so nice to me. Apparently I was good at calming bridely nerves and spreading good humour. Should I buy a ’shuvver’s cap’ - oh, and a golden RR - and do it for a hobby?

Good night and bless you all.